Facebookin'

Okay, so I don't post as often as I should, but I do. And now I've set my username so it's easier to find . . .

http://www.facebook.com/ericdalen

Original, eh?

I can also be "followed" on Twitter:

http://www.twitter.com/ericdalen

Too much of me, mayhaps.

Twitter -- A Useful Tool, or A Candy Bar on The Web?

I joined Twitter reluctantly, seeing so many people posting what they had for lunch, and telling the world they were going to bed.

Fascinating.

After a couple of false starts, I began adding my . . . thoughts. I shouldn't really qualify them as "thoughts" since I make most of them up, but that's what kept my interest.

My "real" life may not be as intriguing as the guy who had a turkey sandwich for lunch and has to get up early for a flight to Austin, but I won't let that get in my way!

(Is 77 followers good?)

http://www.twitter.com/ericdalen.com

Windows Live Writer

Okay, so I got this new software called Windows Live Writer. It’s like an email program for blogs – I’m supposed to be able to post straight from it onto my Blogspot/Blogger account. This is the first test. Should I include a picture?

If this posts correctly, I’ll be happy and use it. If not, well, then you won’t be reading this, will you?

Eric
eric@ericdalen.com

Prostitutes For Peace

So, the CIA is giving Afghan Chieftans Viagra to get their cooperation.  Apparently, it works better than money.  They love the little blue pill.

Make love, not war.

But what if a Chieftan doesn't have someone to enjoy the Viagra with?

Here's an idea.  Let's round up our call girls, and instead of sticking them in jail, send them all to Kabul.  That would solve two problems -- prostitution in America, and the war in Afghanistan.  We'll ship airplane loads of ED medicine and raid the villages with hookers.  Maybe sneak a couple into Osama Bin Laden's camp and take care of his crankiness once and for all.

Let's get on this right away!  Time is a-wasting!

You can thank me later.

Zippity Doo Dah

Wow, more than two months since I last posted, and I stole that one.  I should be arrested.

Nevertheless, I'm not going to apologize for my lack of updates, chiefly because I'm not sorry.  I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.  That, and you can't make me.

I could offer some lame excuse about being "busy."  No, the truth is I didn't have anything interesting to say, so I didn't say it.  Even now, I'm having trouble justifying what I just wrote, so don't get me started.  (Nothing a little therapy and a six pack won't fix.)

I will have something to update soon, so stayed tuned, if that is applicable, which it isn't.  Now I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now.

Until next we meet . . .

A Message For Ladies

Ladies . . .

• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
• Do you suffer from shyness?
• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay. 

  

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. 

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. 

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Chardonnay.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Now you can be more like yourself, only louder and more giggly . . . with Chardonnay.

-- 
http://www.ericdalen.com

The Genie

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf . . . and, of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man in a silk robe reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh . . . yes, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you . . . You see, I'm a Genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He  pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the Genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!  And now you, young lady, what do you want?"

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the Genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, Genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to be with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind -- but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. "And I'd do the same for you!"

So the Genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon.  Near dusk, the genie took the woman's hand, looked directly into her eyes and asked:

"So, how old are you and your husband?"

"We're both thirty-five," she responded.

"Really?" he said. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

-----

http://www.ericdalen.com